It's Wednesday morning, and as I'm assured from the promotional literature about this corner of the world that say that it's a sunny day for at least 300 days a year, the warm spherical object is doing what it should do - spreading happiness and positive vibes by just being there. It has no clouds for neighbours. It's just there set on a glorious blue background.
At 8.30am it's time for the Dutch national team to assemble for breakfast. Well at least I'm sure that's how it looks to those not in the know, as our "regulation" adidas wear for meal times is bright orange polo shirts and dark blue shorts with orange stripes down the side. I'm of the opinion that our Kit Suppliers/Sponsors were obviously aware of our new coaching staff and what better way to make them feel at home.
Everybody looks nicely relaxed although I upset the mood of about 25 per cent of them by reminding them that this evening they will be "performing" in front of a very attentive and critical audience made up of their fellow players and staff. Yes it's that time when the newcomers, and those who are travelling away with the First Team squad for the first time, have to display their vocal talents (or not as is invariably the case). But more of that later.
For now it's time to set off for the training pitch. The players are put through the regular warm up and stretching exercises etc that are essential prior to any training session, whether here or at home. Thereafter the coaching staff weave their magic and continue to direct the players through a series of routines.
After the training and prior to lunch, the players are whisked off by coach to Val do Logo Spa, where Tom Perryman awaits them with a series of exercises that pains me just to watch - so I didn't. Instead I, along with Kit Man Bob Oteng and the new Logistics Manager Paul Williams, are tasked to source a restaurant for this coming Saturday evening, so that the players and staff can have a break from the regular, albeit very pleasurable, routine.
In doing so it gave me my first opportunity to view first hand the beautiful Val do Lobo beach. It really is stunning and the restaurants that sit alongside, the absolute perfect location to chill out (if indeed that's the right terminology in this heat).
Anyway restaurant booked and gym session completed its back to base for lunch and another gentle reminder to those who are providing the entertainment later that they need to let me know their choice of song. After lunch the afternoon pans out in regular fashion, or as regular as the second day determines.
Come evening dinner, and you can feel the tension in the area not to mention the fear of dread for those who are to take the part of the audience. But this year the format has been changed yet again to accommodate the number of "performers".
The evening has been set "European Song Contest" style to reflect the melange of nationalities involved, and is entitled "Eurotrash Singing Contest". The audience are split up into nine separate voting panels, namely Republic of Ireland, France, Poland, Wales, Northern Ireland, England, Spain, Cyprus and Dagenham.
The microphone is switched on and the stage is now set: "ACTION”
First up is Josh Laurent with his version of Montell Jordan's "This is how we do it". He is followed by Akaki (Andy) Gogia who breaks with tradition and introduces some dance moves, including some moonwalking. This whilst singing Ben E King's "Stand By Me". Third up is Konstantin Kerschbaumer with his version of fellow Austrian DJ Otzi's cover of "Hey Baby" which of course attracts the regular "Ooh Aah" from the panel members at regular intervals.
Then it was the opportunity for new Coach Flemming Pedersen to sweep us off our feet with his version of U2's "Pride (In the name of love)". WOW! I have never seen this song performed in this manner nor, I expect, would Bono. He even dedicated the song to Simon Royce the goalkeeping coach who sits alongside him at the Training Ground. His rendition of the U2 classic was that scary I was afraid to ask for the mic back.
Fifth up was a novelty act: a duet. Marinus and Roy took the stage, or rather stood on the chairs supplied which all the contestants had to start off on. They then launched in to "Whole World In Our Hands" during which they named all of their staff members and the squad. It was different. Yes, that's all I will say.
"After the Lord Mayors Show" it was Mark Smiths turn to shine. And that he did by throwing a good few shapes, and a bit of moon walking again, whilst singing his version of The Jacksons "Blame it on the Boogie".
Now next up was Giovanni Vio. A lovely Italian guy who heralds from Venice and by his own admission speaks more English than he truly understands, if that makes sense. He is learning our language fast but when I asked him what he would be singing you could have knocked me down with a feather when he said Bob Dylan's "Blowing in the Wind". And he did. Fair play to him.
He was followed by former Coventry City and Southampton defender Paul Williams who is my new work colleague as Logistics Manager. He gave his version of "Diamonds" his best shot. It appears though, as you will eventually see, that he must of hung his sense of shooting direction up with his boots in 2005.
Ninth up was Piet Cremers recently appointed to the Analysis Department. He chose a song by the late Andre Hazes, a Dutch singer who wrote, amongst many other titles, the "classic" "We Love Orange", which was the song which followed the Dutch national team as they won the European Championship in 1988. Now remembering Piet is now "entertaining a room full of people, each bedecked with orange shirts, it didn't help him at all, as his version of "Bloed, zweet e Tirana" sounded double Dutch to all bar a few.
The penultimate turn was Yoann Barbet who picked a classic in John Lennon's "Imagine". A valiant effort with a French flavour. Last up was out new Performance Coach Tom Bates. He chose to perform Maroon 5's "Sunday Morning" and any lack of quality should be put down to the fact that there was only one of Tom.
It was now the turn of the "international" juries. The general level of performance was good from the twelve who took part, but not necessarily the singing bit of the performance. As the votes were cast and read out, it was soon obvious that there were two stand out acts.
The runner up was "Andy" Gogia with 116 points with the winner just seven clears on 123, Mark Smith. What was also obvious was that performance won the audience over as neither put all their trust in their singing ability. Instead they both put on a bit of a show with their dance moves.
However as is customary, there was nothing other than a bit of misguided glory on the night for the winner. But the bottom three will have to "perform" again on Sunday night, albeit with a different song, in a "sing off" against any other newcomers who may arrive between now and Sunday.
After the "Show" there was a meeting, which everybody attended, in which Marinus explained his ideology and plans for the season ahead both on the field and off it.
And so to bed.
Peter Gilham.